Missouri State Highway Patrol

Public Information and Education Division

Grieving: A Guide for Families

Information for Survivors of Fatal Crash Victims

Our Deepest Condolences

If you are reading this, you have been given some devastating news about the unexpected death of a family member. On behalf of the Missouri State Highway Patrol, we are very sorry for the loss of your loved one. Each and every trooper has an interest in preserving lives on our roadways and waterways, and we regret that in this instance a life was lost. Our thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family during this difficult time.

We realize the grieving process continues long after the death. This booklet was prepared to assist you and your family in understanding and getting through these difficult times. Troopers, medical examiners, victims’ families, victim advocates, and many others have provided input to make this publication as helpful as possible. It will provide answers to commonly asked questions and give you guidance about the grieving process, including where to turn for help.

This booklet also provides necessary case information and contact information for the law enforcement officials involved in your case. We understand that obtaining answers is an important part of the grieving process. As you have questions, we welcome you to call the Highway Patrol to seek answers or to stay informed as your case progresses.

Again, please accept our sincerest condolences on the tragic loss of your loved one.

Respectfully,
The men and women of your Missouri State Highway Patrol

What Do I Do Now?

These are some of the immediate concerns you’ll need to address after the unexpected death of your loved one.

Notifying Other Family Members

Understand that certain laws dictate who troopers notify first. You may experience frustration regarding who was initially notified. Please understand the Highway Patrol has parameters to work within and we do our best to provide timely notification.

Once you have been notified, consider what other immediate family members need to be contacted. Notifying the deceased’s spouse, children, and parents is typically high priority. Consider how the person you are notifying will react to the news. It may be more appropriate to notify them in person, rather than by phone.

When notifying children, consider their age. Age-appropriate information is best when delivering difficult news.

Do not make a notification alone. The Highway Patrol urges you to seek support from others as you notify family members and friends about what has happened. Many survivors find it useful to reach out to clergy, friends, and neighbors.

Organ and/or Tissue Donation

Many people express their desire to be an organ donor. Carrying out their wishes is possible only if you act expeditiously as recovering organs is a time-sensitive process. One’s wish of being an organ donor may be printed on their driver’s license or documented in a will. It is up to your family to ensure organ and/or tissue donation wishes are fulfilled. Questions should be directed toward the medical examiner or medical personnel handling your case.

Appoint a Family Representative to Take Charge

Sometimes families find it useful to have someone who is more detached from the situation take charge of certain responsibilities. This will give families time to grieve and address other important concerns. Consider having a family representative ensure care of the surviving family’s needs, manage household maintenance, cover immediate legal issues/paperwork, and locate important legal documents. Family representatives can screen phone calls to reduce the stress placed upon survivors.

Caring for Children & Pets

While it seems obvious, do not forget to care for your children and the children of your loved one. Many survivors report having lapses in memory or judgment when it comes to childcare. This is part of the shock and grieving process, but something of which you need remain aware. In the days after the crash, if you feel overwhelmed with tasks, depend on reliable friends and family members to assist.

Manage Household Maintenance

Keep track and take care of necessary household tasks. Ask for help with basic tasks such as cleaning, mowing, shoveling snow, meal preparation, pet care, etc. If your loved one lived alone, make sure the house is secured. If they lived in an apartment, remember to contact any roommates and the landlord.

Whom to Contact

Notifications that might need to be made after an unexpected death:

Secure Important Paperwork

Locate documents such as automobile insurance papers, automobile titles, birth certificate, citizenship papers, cemetery deed, disability claims, driver’s license or state identification, financial power of attorney, health care directive, living will, marriage license, social security card, and veteran’s discharge papers. In our age of technology, it may be necessary to have passwords and user IDs for access to online accounts.

Vehicle/Vessel Location

Information regarding where the vehicle/vessel was towed should be noted on the crash report. Contact the tow company to ask about removing personal belongings. Consider asking the tow company to remove property from the vehicle/vessel if you do not want to see it. If there is a hold on the vehicle/vessel, there may be a delay in removing belongings, but the Highway Patrol can assist you. Viewing the vehicle/vessel may include seeing blood or body tissue. Ask about the condition before retrieving belongings.

The Grieving Process

Sadly, hundreds of people are killed on Missouri’s roadways/waterways each year. You have been given devastating news and are most likely in a state of shock while trying to process this harsh reality. As a survivor, it is important to remember you are not alone.

Common Feelings

Many survivors report that when they first hear the news they are “in a fog.” Some say it does not feel real, and as things sink in, they feel helpless. Many survivors report a feeling of being lost and not knowing what to do next. Even daily tasks, such as eating meals, can be forgotten.

Expect to experience a wide range of emotions for years — this is normal. Grief is a natural response to a life-changing loss. It is not a sign of weakness. The ultimate goal of the grief process is to gain acceptance of the changes that have occurred. The best way to cope with loss is to recognize it, understand that the feelings you experience are normal, and to reach out for support. Survivors often feel better when they talk about their loved one.

Stages of the Grieving Process

Each person’s grief is unique. You may experience one of these stages for a longer or shorter period of time than someone else who has experienced a similar loss.

Health Tips

Seek Help

Most survivors seek some type of help in dealing with this crisis. This help may come from clergy, friends, neighbors, professionals, relatives, or support groups. It is important to understand that even if you feel you are an independent person that can handle any situation, there may be a time where you can still draw help from others.

Crime Victims’ Compensation Fund

If your loved one was the victim of a crime, such as a criminal vehicular/vessel incident, DWI, BWI, or felony hit and run, contact the Crime Victims’ Compensation Fund at 1-800-347-6881. Funds may be available for medical or funeral costs, loss of support, lost wages, and counseling.

Investigation Details

Most fatal traffic/boating crashes are investigated and reconstructed to determine why the crash occurred. Reconstruction is a detailed process which may include the analysis of physical evidence, interviewing witnesses, forensic testing, toxicology results, scale diagram creation, and report writing. This process takes time.

A copy of the entire investigation or pieces of the investigation (including the crash report) can be requested through the Highway Patrol’s Patrol Records Division at (573) 526-6113 for a small fee.

The Highway Patrol submits serious injury and fatal crash cases to the appropriate prosecutor for a case review. Stay in contact with the Highway Patrol or the prosecuting attorney’s office to remain advised of the progress of the case.

Expect the criminal justice process to move slowly if your case involves a criminal investigation. Contacting a victim advocate through the appropriate channels can be helpful as you navigate the criminal court system.

Understanding the Autopsy Process

Autopsies may occur following a death in a traffic/boating crash. If an autopsy is performed, the deceased person will most likely be transported to a medical examiner’s office, which may be a long distance from the crash location. Each county has its own set of rules determining when an autopsy is performed. You will be notified if one will be done.

An autopsy is often critical to an investigation and helps crash investigators determine what happened. Autopsy results are available to the personal representative or administrator of the estate of the deceased, the surviving spouse, and any surviving child, parent, brother, or sister of the deceased. A request must be made to the medical examiner or coroner who performed the autopsy.

Often a body can be viewed prior to an autopsy. However, if the deceased person’s body is being analyzed for forensic purposes, your family may not be allowed to see the body until the autopsy is complete. If an autopsy is performed, or if the deceased person is an organ/tissue donor, neither interferes with having an open casket funeral.

Out-of-State

If your family member died in a traffic crash out-of-state, you will follow the same procedures as if they died locally:

  1. Make sure you know where your loved one has been taken: What hospital? What morgue?
  2. Call a mortuary, either in your area or in the town where your loved one died.
  3. Call the hospital or morgue in the city where they died to release the body.

Rights of the Survivors

Surviving family members and victims have certain rights and expectations of which they should be aware. Most importantly, you have the right to be treated with respect by officials.

If your loved one was a victim of a crime, contact the Highway Patrol’s crime victim advocate by calling the Filling a V.O.I.D. hotline at 1-888-773-1800.

In criminal cases, many other rights apply. Please ask the assigned Highway Patrol trooper or investigator or prosecuting attorney for further information, or refer to Missouri statute 595.200 RSMo.

What Should I Expect From Officials?

You will find the officials that assist you during this difficult time are experienced and professional. Expect:

Funeral Information

You will be provided with information regarding the location of your loved one. Your loved one’s body is transported at the direction of the coroner who was on scene at the crash. Contact the coroner to determine where the body has been sent and when viewing arrangements can be made.

You have the right to choose the funeral home to provide service to your family. The funeral home will be responsible for transporting the body, embalming, cremation services, and guiding you through the entire funeral and/or burial process. The funeral home will also assist with writing an obituary.

Check with the auto/boat insurance company to determine if the policy covers any costs for funeral services. If your loved one was the victim of a crime, contact the Crime Victims’ Compensation Fund at 1-800-347-6881.

After the Funeral

Once the remembrance services are finished, you may experience an incredible state of loneliness. This is a normal feeling. Many survivors remain consumed with responsibilities between the death and funeral service, only to be confronted with the reality of the death and the grieving process after the funeral has ended. If your loved one was the victim of a crime, be prepared for a lengthy criminal justice process.

Resources

At times, you may feel overwhelmed. There are many groups available for advice, legal help, and support. Many survivors find healing through volunteering and getting involved.

Helpful Websites

Helpful Books

Contact

Public Information and Education Division
Missouri State Highway Patrol
1510 East Elm Street
Jefferson City, MO 65101
(573) 751-3313